January 29, 2008...3:59 am

Weekends in the House of Tink

Jump to Comments

“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.” –Jerome K. Jerome

I would categorize myself as a person who enjoys laziness, perhaps more than any one person should. I find immense pleasure in spending a Saturday morning curled up on the couch watching Girls Next Door or 90210 marathons on TV. In order to correctly enjoy a Saturday such as this, delivery food should be ordered and minimal effort should be made when paying for your delicious meal. Showers should not be taken. Phones should not be answered. Cleaning will certainly not take place. Changing the channel and feeding oneself are the only allowable exertions of energy. Anyone who attempts to engage in any real activity in the Room of Lazy will be stopped in the manner requiring the least amount of energy.

Sadly for me, my Saturday mornings consist of me sleeping in one whole extra hour (!) more than weekdays, waking up to my ear-piercing cell phone alarm (note to self: buy proper alarm clock), showering against my will, putting clothes on against my will, packing a bag against my will and most unwillingly of all, I go to the soul-sucking Pit of Despair, more commonly referred to as my weekend place of employment where I bring people heaping piles of food and they give me disproportionate amounts of money.

This past Saturday was particularly wretched due to my brain-squeezing, stomach churning hangover. I arrived in the locker room at the soul-sucking Pit of Despair, put on my all-black uniform a la Johnny Cash and resisted the urge to slam my head into the lockers just to make it. Stop. Hurting. I consider myself the champion of self-discipline for having dragged my hung over self out of bed and walked my lazy ass all the way to the Pit of Despair.

Events of the previous night include consuming many alcoholic beverages in my shoebox apartment, each one making the idea of going to a real live bar after all the more appealing. One drink at the bar miraculously warped into many, many drinks out. More drinks than I had intended to have, and certainly more drinks than I had intended to throw up all over The Boyfriend’s bathroom floor. Don’t worry though—being the kindhearted girlfriend I am I cleaned in thoroughly, on Sunday morning.

If all of this soul sucking and food slinging has taught me anything though, it’s the value of a good, hard long day’s laziness spent on my couch. And I think I speak for many people my age when I say that I miss college, when my obligations were optional and their weight constantly hanging over my head only made sitting on my ass all the sweeter. 

Leave a Reply