January 31, 2008...2:57 am

“The Fat Lady’s Singin’”

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“If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” –W. C. Fields

I shall hereby refer to today as Quitting Day.

The reasons for this are threefold. I should have known today was quitting day when one of my worst recurring nightmares (of which there are many) almost came true on the way to work. I was walking near the west side of Manhattan and suddenly a gust of wind so powerful it was causing street signs on metal posts to sway back and forth literally almost blew me away. As in almost knocked me off my feet, most likely to be swept up in some sort of whirlwind of New York trash of discarded coffee cups, sewer grime and flyers for free stuff no one wants. I continued the few more blocks to my office with my face looking like I was soaring down the peak of a rollercoaster. Right then, I should have taken a good look around and though “Ah, quitting day. Right,” and gone back home to bed where I belong on such an occasion. No such wisdom came to me.

Reason #1 that today is Quitting Day: I walked past the stack of newspapers among the sea of cubicles in my office and noticed the headline “The Fat Lady’s Singin’!” in reference Giuliani most likely dropping out of the GOP presidential race. I pondered the absurdity of The Daily News’ titles as I made my morning tea and then went to my cubicle. So a big “Thank You!” to Rudy for kicking off Quitting Day.

Reason #2 that today is Quitting Day: Baby-faced John Edwards “stepped aside,” as he put it and bowed out of the race for the Democratic nomination. I was pretty mesmerized by the TV watching Edwards make his speech while his supporters continued to cheer him on throughout. And while I won’t go so far as to call Edwards a quitter (I think he will remain dedicated to the war on poverty) he did partake in quitting day.

Reason #3 that today is Quitting Day: There is little in life I would enjoy more thoroughly than to say today is Quitting Day because I told my boss to take my low-paying, errand-running, gopher job and shove it. I want to say I stood up on my desk in the middle of my department, tossed office supplies in the air, ripped off my blazer and danced topless in celebration. Sadly I did not quit my job today, could not possibly have quit my job today, because today, my job quit me.

And I don’t mean to imply that I got fired. I am actually an exceptionally talented gopher/jamba juice-fetcher/printer paper-changer/crap-organizer. I mean my job, along with everyone else’s who works with me, will cease to exist in probably two months. I would go into more detail, but the internet scares me, and I’m trying to stick with professionalism and avoid legal stickiness that I’ve seen invade other bloggers’ lives. The important part is that my job announced it is quitting me in a few short months before walking out, slamming the door in my face and sticking its tongue out at me.

So I’m going to have to either A) find new TV job in the near to distant future, B) start figuring out creative ways to make money, like being hired at fetish parties to let people paint/lick/smell/rub my toes or worse, being one of those people in the subway who paint themselves and stay still for 6 hours at a time for quarters, or C) obtain a mutt for protection before joining a community of homeless youth that live under a bridge and eat squirrel for sustenance.

Today I hope for option A. Tomorrow, who knows.




  • i know what song the fat lady is singing…

    “Closing time…
    You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here…”

    thank you semisonic for providing such appropriate lyrics to this situation.

  • foot-fetish freaks might pay a pretty penny for some clean twinkly toes. something to consider.

    or just imagine all of the thinking you could get done by just standing in one position for six hours as a painted statue in the subway. the only awkward thing about that job, i’d imagine, would be arriving and leaving. it’d be like “well, i’m on my way to work…i’m a statue.” and then “well, that’s my time. this statue is out of here.”

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