Entries from February 2008

February 22, 2008


“You can’t teach people to be lazy—either they have it, or they don’t.” –Dagwood Bumstead of Blondie
Ok, reader(s?). By now I think we’ve discovered together (me through writing, you through reading, in the loosest sense of the word) that my every day laziness absolutely transfers to my blogging style. I haven’t posted in…well, quite a [...]

February 22, 2008

It’s your daughter

A phone call to my Dad’s house:
My grandmother: Hello?
Me: Hi Nonny! Whatcha doing?
My grandmother: I’m about to go cook steak on the George Forman Grill.
Me: Are you allowed to do that? Where’s Dad?
My grandmother: Asleep. I’ll go get him.
(goes and gets him)
Dad: Hello?
Me: Yo, you realize she’s about to use the grill?
Dad: No, I didn’t. [...]

February 14, 2008

Oranges, wine and suicide

I have some happy thoughts and some morbid thoughts. Let’s start with the morbid.
I found a blog, 90dayjane.com (which I think has actually been taken down), about a girl documenting the last 90 days of her life before she kills herself. I don’t know if this is real, a cry for help, begging for attention [...]

February 13, 2008

I’ll trade you Park Place for all 4 Railroads

“I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher – they are going to make a board game out of it.” –Woody Allen
To anyone who thinks they are in like, in love, or in a relationship they think can go the distance, I challenge you to live for any prolonged period of time [...]

February 7, 2008

It Doubles as a Rice Krispie Treat Holder

Today New York City forcibly beat the shit out of me with its cold, hard fists. Any New Yorker can tell you that once in a while, well, the city just does that. Just when you finally get a day off, your ambition takes over and you think, “Today is errand day! I’m going to [...]

February 7, 2008

The King of One-Liners

After getting off the phone with me to go eat lunch, The Boyfriend, King of One-Liners, texts me with this:
“Bet you’re jealous of my pickle.”
Why yes, yes I am.