October 18, 2008...8:20 pm

10 Steps to Guarantee Dirty, Nasty Glares of Disapproval from Fellow Saturday Afternoon Coffee Shop Patrons

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1. Take up an entire table with your trendy Macbook, scone and delicious latte. Sharing is overrated. 

2. Go for a two-hour walk along the edge of Manhattan prior to arriving at the coffee shop. Get your heart rate up and work up a sweat – burn calories to earn your latte! Do not change clothes.

3. Be sure your work-out outfit includes a semi-transparent, tight-fitting Hooters T-shirt. From time to time catch a glimpse of your attire in the mirror and chuckle with delight.

4. After not having washed your hair the previous day, decide to skip one more day and rock that au natural look.

5. Similarly forgo showering at all prior to your arrival. Do not use perfume to try to appear fresh and deliciously scented. 

6. Rock out to the new Britney Spears single as you blog away. Let the music bleed out so your fellow latte-sippers can rock out too. Who doesn’t love Britney?

7. Camp out for hours in the comfiest chair. Show no sign of leaving.

8. Dance in your seat a bit to Britney as the caffeine kicks in. Tap your gym sneaker-clad foot against the coffee table as you dance. 

9. Bring gum. Snap it in tune with your Britney and your awesome dancing.

10. Your cell phone will probably ring. At first you won’t notice as “Piece of Me” blares out of your device. When you do notice, answer it and enjoy your phone call. Speak loudly, you wouldn’t want to be rude.

Happy Saturday, everybody!

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