January 14, 2009...7:21 pm

How To Show Up Late and Panting Like A Lunatic To Your First Interview

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When everyone bitches and moans about the LA “motherfucking  smog infested bumper-to-bumper makes-you-want-to-slam-your-head-on-the-steering-wheel” traffic, they’re not kidding. 

I had an interview today at 11am about 29 minutes away from The Boyfriend’s apartment and planned to leave at 10am to allow plenty of time to get there. My morning went as follows:

9am: Take a shower using extra conditioner to make hair super shiny and professional-like. Hang interview outfit in bathroom to de-wrinkle via the magic of shower steamy goodness. 

9:15am: Eat the most important meal of the day, Special K with red berries, while brewing a cup of delicious coffee. 

9:20am: Sip coffee while applying makeup. Sidestep near disaster my noticing I’m about to apply my whore liquid eyeliner and replace it with my subtle charcoal powder eyeliner. Pat myself on the back for being so damn observant. Proceed to dry and straighten hair in smooth professional manner.

9:40am: Put on pre-selected, de-wrinkled interview outfit. Notice a small run in the foot of the only pair of nylons I can find. Twist nylons so that the run is under my foot and only barely poking out of my shoe. Decide no one looks at the backs of my ankles anyways, right? 

9:50am: Retrieve address and directions from email, grab resumes, purse, GPS and head out the door.

10:05am: Enter address into GPS system. Watch in horror as GPS flashes the dead battery symbol and abruptly dies in my hands. Run inside and scramble to look up and print out Google Maps directions. Curse the wretched GPS and sing the praises of the almighty Google.

10:12am: Hit the road. Review the directions while driving and decide I will still, due to some miraculous good luck, be at least 5 minutes early.

10:25am: See the parking lot that is the highway I need to go 20 miles on. Assume that this has to clear up in a mile or so, and that I’ll still arrive 5 minutes early. At least.

10:35am: Miles to go and no sign of traffic clearing.

10:45am: Decide I can still get there exactly on time – that’s still not late.

10:55am: I’m through the traffic but at least ten minutes away. I am definitely late. 

11:05am: I park. I run!

11:06am: Walk the same block ten times looking for the building described in the email. Fail to see it. 

11:09am: Fail to see it some more. Enter the wrong office (without knocking). Embarrass myself in front of strangers. Look insane and scamper out.

11:12am: Reach final destination, panting, sweating and crazy-eyed but pumped with adrenaline and attempting to turn this into energy, enthusiasm and zeal.

Now we’ll see if I get a call back. 

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