February 6, 2009...9:12 pm

Begging To Occupy the Coveted Spot at the Bottom of the Totem Pole

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The interviews continue, two more to be exact, both of which are at establishments that currently are in a hiring freeze. So basically I’m ironing my shirt and skirt, putting makeup on and wiggling into nylons which I then triple check for runs for no reason. That’s a lot of foreplay with little chance of payoff, and those are not odds I enjoy playing with. 

“You’ll really be the lowest of the low,” my interviewer told me before he mimed kicking me in the shin to demonstrate his point. Then he laughed, as did I, though I really did not see the humor in this gesture. Now it’s time for me to email each of these interviewers and explain how I’d jump at the chance to get paid next to nothing to be treated like dirt in exchange for some good networking and resume building. Isn’t job hunting fun? 

Today’s interview was the first I’ve actually been early for. Without traffic the drive should be about 27 minutes – I left an hour and a half early, which I’m aware makes me sound like an over-eager potential employee who you might be tempted to flick in the dead center of their forehead. But the  first interview I went on proved that normal time estimations just plain do not apply in LA. Yesterday it took me 45 minutes to drive 2 miles downtown because, OH MY GOD, IT WAS RAINING. How are Californians supposed to drive when there are puddles and tiny droplets of water falling menacingly from the sky and onto their vehicles?!?

Most of them deal with it by either:  a) Pulling over to the side of the road, a technique popular with grannies and pop-pops the world over, b) Staying in all together. Why leave? It’s wet outside, or c) Smashing into each other in a panic, further backing up traffic and increasing the hysteria among LA drivers.

I’d like to invite every driver in LA to come to my hometown in the middle of a blizzard where they’ll see the bad ass New Englanders *gasp!* driving through the SNOW AND SLEET atop sheets of ice. They’re just that reckless.

So hopefully one of these fine establishments will eventually choose me to be their next coffee-fetching, ever-smiling, filing, faxing, meeting-scheduling gopher extraordinaire. Until then, I’m looking for a cocktail waitressing gig, because  I’m so damned good at that.

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